"The Experiment", or The Day My Vegan Blog Went to Sh*t

Tomorrow is Saint Patrick's Day. You are probably aware that Saint Patrick's Day has many traditions, many of them hokey and more representative of American commercialism than of an Irish Catholic saint. There's one such tradition that holds a dear place in my one-fifth Irish heart:

McDonald's Shamrock Shake

I LOVE Shamrock Shakes. So minty! So lime-y! So florescent! Oh, the whipped cream! And they only come once a year!

Freshman year of college, I was lucky enough to encounter another soul as enamored as me by the Shamrock Shakes of our youth. In March of 2010, Grace and I trekked to the Wisconsin-Illinois state border in 30 degree weather in the middle of the night to indulge in the illustrious drink. Kismet, some might call it. The following year, we spent spring break at Grace's parents house and became fans of shamrock shakes spiked with peppermint schnapps (so innovative! so naughty!). Needless to say, this once a year tradition has become an integral part of our friendship.

Swing forward to year two of post-grad life and Grace and I are once again living in the same city during Shamrock Shake season!

If I'm gonna throw veganism out the window for a day, it's gonna be for Shamrock Shakes. Since mid-February, it's been difficult to drive by McDonald's with signs that proclaim, "Shamrock Shakes are back!" and not be inundated with creamy cravings. The McDonald's that I drive past most frequently is located near a local custard chain called Michael's. Michael's has been brandishing a sign that beckons one to "Come on in for a Leprechaun Shake!". What is a Leprechaun Shake? Is it anything like a Shamrock Shake? How dare anyone else try to tread in the Saint Patrick's Day milkshake market?!

And so was born the idea for what I will now refer to as "The Experiment", our grand scheme to determine a true Irish-American milkshake winner. Below, I will detail our research process using the scientific method, based off photos, memories, and careful notes taken during shake consumption.* 

Question: What the hell is a Leprechaun Shake? How does it stake up against a Shamrock Shake? Does schnapps, in fact, enhance both milkshake experiences? (probably)

Hypothesis:  Shamrock shakes trump all. Schnapps trump shamrock shakes. 

Method:

First, we drove to Star Liquor pick up some schnapps. They didn't have any. (What kind of liquor store does not have peppermint schapps in March? Needless to say they've lost all hope for future business from us). We rallied and proceeded to another liquor store conveniently located next to Michaels. They had so many schnapps options! We got a "medium sized" bottle for $4.99. Score! Then it was onto McDonald's. They offered us three different sizes of Shamrock Shake. I was prepared to spring for the large, but Grace's better judgement suggested we get a small. This included whipped cream and a cherry. We then circled back to Michael's, where I went up to the counter and confidently questioned the teenage register attendant, Kye. The following conversation ensued: 

Me:"What is a leprechaun shake?". 
Kye: "Hmmmmsunlblened" 
Me: "What?" 
Kye: "Hmmmsdkfsndnchchocolate". 
Me: "What?" 
Kye: "Hmmasdoianfsomintandchocolateaoindng" 
Me: (Huh? Kye, I'm literally going to have to hop over the counter to get any closer to you.)"Could you say that again, please?" 
Kye: "It's, uh, like, green mint and chocolate chips."
Me: "Perfect! We'll have one of those." (1)

Experiment: 

Back at Grace's house, we divided the shakes into 8 glasses. This way, we'd both have our own set of shamrock shake, leprechaun shake, shamrock shake w/ schnapps, leprechaun shake w/ schnapps. For some reason, figuring out this set up was really difficult... (2) We sniffed and tasted the shakes in the following order: leprechaun (no schnapps), shamrock (no schnapps), shamrock (w/ schnapps), leprechaun (w/ schnapps). Schnapps shakes contained one shot. 

Additional note on price - Shamrock Shake (small): $2.84, Leprechaun Shake (small): $5.42 (yikes!)

Observation:

Leprechaun (no schnapps) - This shake set the precedent for the sniff test - we noticed right away that this shake had a definite mouth-watering minty scent. Something that really set this shake apart for it's corporate competitor were the pieces of shaved mint chocolate mixed into the shake. They melted in your mouth! This shake was very thick, with an obviously high dairy content (shout out to real ice cream). While the shake was being prepared, I saw a worker put a little dropper of something green into the shake. Was this food coloring? Organic spirulina? We may never know. 

Shamrock (no schnapps) - Right away we were excited to do the sniff test with the shamrock shake because the leprechaun shake had such a distinct mint chocolate perfume. However, we were disappointed to discover that the shamrock shake had no scent. None at all. The minty flavor we remembered tasted fake in comparison to the leprechaun. There was a distinct acidity as well - reminiscent of lime jello. This was odd, to say the least. Grace and I, saddened by these discoveries, began to wonder if the formula had been changed since our childhood? The whipped cream and maraschino cherry are new additions and the shake we were tasting at present seemed to be drowning in sugar. 

Leprechaun (w/ schnapps) - Adding schnapps to the leprechaun shake turned it bright blue. Like almost a turquoise color - some sort of chemical reactions?! The chocolate all sunk to the bottom - we questioned the density of the ice cream vs. the schnapps (how interesting!) and ultimately scooped these out to eat separately. After a few sips, it became apparent that the liquor had also sunk to the bottom of the drink. This drink had a distinct coolness - like Listerine. We decided it would be best to put the schnapps on the side next time.**  

Shamrock (w/ schnapps) - This shake was very foamy - must have been those chemical reactions again! This one did have a distinct minty smell. However, upon tasting, we realized the schnapps did not mix with the ice cream at all. This one was not drinkable and we ended up pouring it down the sink. 


Analysis & Conclusion:

We decided we liked the Leprechaun (no schnapps) shake the best but were not sure it was worth the price. Or the tummy ache. Or the headache. Or the gas. 

Do we still love Shamrock Shakes? YES! But, I guess there's a reason we only have them once a year...

(1)

Shamrock on the left, Leprechaun on the right

(2)

Eight way testing system

Grace, ever the model!

*Experiment not endorsed by the CDC, FDA, NIH, etc. but they'd probably do research exactly like we did, just sayin'. See below:

Our meticulous notes

**This led to "Experiment 2: The Shot Test". If you want to replicate this at home, simply take a shot of peppermint schnapps and chase it with St. Patty's Day shake of choice. Me: "This tastes like medicine..." Grace: "I like it!!! Ahhh, that's good!!" Que sera, sera.